Mother’s Day Mourning 2.0

Happy Mother's Day to All. I hope you've been enjoying the day to its fullest, and are being pampered, treasured, and love beyond your wildest dreams....TODAY.

There are many of us whom no longer have moms. We are the motherless crew. It can put a huge damper on the celebrations. I, personally had to learn, although my beloved mom is no longer among us, I am mom to my children and grandchildren. So while during some parts of the festivities a smile may be forced, when all the love is lavished on us, make the sadness dissipates somewhat, for a while, basking in the love received.

There are other moms who can't receive that hug and kiss, that card, that dinner, because their When it's an illness, you have some time to prepare, your mind, but your heart never prepares for such loss. When it's an accident, childless parents have no chance to prepare at all. The difficulty with that is unimaginable. I'm told the loss of a child is a pain unlike any other.

Mourning the loss of a life taken away far too soon.

Then there is the pain of your child being murdered.
The young man who was killed in Georgia, Ahmaud Arbery has

brought back to mind Trayvon Martin's slaughter in Florida quite a few years ago. Arbery's death, just like Martin's must be extremely traumatic to their parents, as one young men had a birthdays shortly after his killing, and Arbery would have celebrated a birthday Friday past, and Mother's Day with his mom two days later. Tragic in every sense of the word.

However, with all that said, what is the hurtful frosting on this tragic cake is the lack of outrage from women who don't look like he or his mom. The reaction of some moms, or lack there of is disturbing. I know it's not because you don't have sons, because many of you do. Do you think this cannot happen to your kid? Speaking frankly, I personally know of a few women who have sons that look more like me, than their mothers. Where is your outrage? I don't think these murderous racist sorry excuses for human beings are checking your kids parentage. If roles were reversed and the killers looked like me, and the victims looked like you, we can all imagine what your response would be. But since your head is entrenched firmly in sand, you cannot see that your black boys can experience this situation as well.

Some of you need to watch Mathew McConaghy's "A Time To Kill." I am so disappointed in most of

y'all. Truly. I've posted several times about Arbery, and I've only had three melanin challenged, scratch that white women or men for that matter say ANYTHING! When white kids are shot up in schools, Black women come out in great numbers denouncing the killer, forwarding letters to prosecutors to have them prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. But you can't feel our pain? You don't think we love our kids too? To want to see them grow, marry, raise their own kids. JUST LIVE?

I just want the kinda of support we give you white mothers of white or black sons. We’re tired of our kids killed on some bullshit. You should be as well.  And this is in a different vein, but keep this in mind... If we sit back in November all you never Trumpers may as well not even bother voting.

I'm fully cognizant of the fact some of you won't appreciate this post. My response to that is two tears in a bucket.….

The Very Best Medicine Has NO Co-pay

Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." Psalm 126:2 NIV 

We all know what’s going on in the world. And now it’s at our doorstep. This disease is relentless and has been unleashed with a vengeance. It’s devastating families and those who work

in the field of health care. It’s both frightening and overwhelming at the same time. Mundane everyday tasks must be thought out and wisdom applied, especially when venturing outside one’s abode. It occupies our thoughts more than anything else. We worry for our families and friends, and even those a world away. The cause of the worry is not this medical predator alone, but the imbecile leading our nation through it. Had he acted just a couple of weeks sooner, taken seriously the intelligence presented to him, and thought beyond his next political campaign, America would not be in the place she finds herself at this moment in time.

With all that said, how do we navigate this onslaught of negativity? Health clubs, which are a great source of stress busting are closed. While music is soothing and is most helpful in relieving ving stress, might I make an additional suggestion? The more ways to calm the better, right?

Laughter.

Find those old television shows that had you hooping with laughter. Find that movie that made you almost wet yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s something you haven’t seen since your teens. Watch it again. There’s probably some some nuance or facial expression you missed. Look at all the silly Facebook and Instagram posts people are sharing. And make it shareable! If you have a tendency to say or do humorous things, nows the time  to go beyond just making your family and friends laugh, share your gift. I’ve been sharing from Facebook all kinds of funny stuff. I understand funny is different to different people, but put it out there and let everyone see. As long as it’s not racist and cruel, take a swing. Someone might really need some comic relief.

Hulu and Roku are great sources for old sitcoms. Some movies too. While some may enjoy “Bill and Ted,” others may enjoy the “Friday”trilogy. If you still have cable, try on demand for comedies. There are many books that are funny as well. If you have satellite radio,

there are several comedy channels. And here’s a tip, go outside the box in your quest for funny. There’s a hillbilly Facebook comedian that cracks me up. 

Find a way to relieve stress and relax yourself. Don’t let it be said, the “Rona” didn’t get them but the anxiety laid them out. 

As my pastor, Rev Dr John E Jackson Sr has reminded us, Faith is not the absence of fear, but forging forward despite the fear. And as his spiritual father, Dr Jeremiah Wright has said, “you have to name the demon, to tame the demon.”

Let’s tame the demon of despondency, despair and anxiety with laughter. Remember laughter in trying times is not sin. WE MUST LIVE!

Ninakupenda 

Kupendana (from at least six feet)

The Great Balancing Act- Faith and Common Sense

He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.
Proverbs 2:7

Fear is  insidious sometimes. It sneaks in out of nowhere just about the time you’re going with the flow, rolling with the Lord and have come to terms with the fact that you control nothing.

Then BAM! Something catastrophic comes along and knocks you off your game. It could be being asked to divorce, an unexpected doctor’s diagnosis or the loss of a job. We know that half of marriages end in divorce. We know that disease can come to even the most healthy of us. (So go on and eat the cake Anna Mae, just don’t eat it all). Automation and downsizing is the preferred way of staying competitive for a huge number of corporations. They don’t care. But before the disaster ensues, we’re cool, secure in our faith and still praising God in the small hiccups of life. 

Then something unimaginable comes along, i.e. COVID-19 otherwise known as Coronavirus. To some it’s a mild intrusion on their lives. To others, it’s a concern but not to the point of dwelling on.

And yet, to a group of us, it’s more than a passing concern. When you’re in the group that the medical professionals say are at higher risk, if you’re wise, in my humble, you’ll keep it towards the forefront of your thoughts, to remind you to avoid crowds, sick people and to curtail travel(according to the AARP). So we’re, I’m, here trying to avoid the grocers at peak times. I avoid movie theaters and the like. And I follow all the suggestions put forth by the CDC.

Now many of you are wondering, girl, I thought you were a Christian? What’s with the fear? Your faith is supposed to be rooted and grounded. I believe it is. But faith shouldn’t override your senses. It should work in conjunction with them. I’ve seen God do things in my life and the lives of others that those outside the household of faith would NEVER

believe. God is a miracle worker. He is constantly doing something grand in my life. Whenever I rely solely on Him, He comes through, in expected and unexpected ways. I believe God is in control and I know when it’s time where I’m going. No question. 

But in the meantime, I’m still down here. There’s things I’d still like to see and do. And while I’m looking forward to seeing Abba Father face to face, I still have things I really want to accomplish. Contrary to the thoughts of some, living is not over once you pass the 9-5 life. I’d like to live some of that. So if I feel a little apprehension, dare I say fear, it’s good for me AND YOU. I read somewhere only a fool fears nothing. 

My mom was fond of saying, "follow your  mind, you'll never go wrong." I've always been told your first mind is the Spirit. Whether or not that is so, I'll leave that to you to decide. In all honesty, I've never gone wrong following it. The second mind is usually contradictory, usually negative, and we know who that voice comes from. Solomon told us God gives us common sense.

So if you don’t want to do something at this time don’t let anyone shame you. You use the common

sense God granted you and do what’s best for YOU. We only get so many trips around the golden ball. Let’s not cut them short with foolishness.  Go with that still small voice. I'm not saying, by any stretch of the imagination, to close yourself off and stop living, until such time as a vaccine becomes approved for the masses. Live your life mindful. When you don't know what to do, when to go, who to be around, ask the Giver of Life. Afterward, whatever He tells you, walk it out. At this time, let's consciously practice not leaning to our own understanding. And sometimes you just have to sit and do nothing. Being not busy will not kill you, it may preserve you.

Slow down. Be patient with the world and with yourself.

Ninakupenda
Kupendana

Used to.

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended: but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus  Philippians 3:13-14 NKJV 


Used to.

Used to is a too commonly used phrase to speak of things past. I used to live there. I used to drive

that. I used to work there. I used to go there. I used to be married to him/her. I used to do that. I used to go to that church. I used to eat that. I used to drink that. The list goes on and on and on. All in the past.

I wonder why we feel the need to tell people what we used to do?

Why is our previous state so much involved in present situations? Is it because we use our previous state to make others feel bad, less than. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. or is it because we feel as if we’ve arrived? We’re on top, don’t roll in that slop. Anymore.

I’ve seen in the blink of an eye fortunes reversed. Having to downsize homes, cars and activities that that at one time excited us, we find we can no longer be a participant of. Sometimes gated communities turn into apartment complexes. Sometimes Coach bags turn into something from Burlington. That Escalade gets picked up by the midnight auto boys and now riding around in a Dart doesn’t seem so bad, since you still arrive at your appointments destination. 

It’s not wrong to reflect on where you used to be, as long as it comes with the caveat that God did it

and not you. God puts His super on our natural. Reflecting can bring on praise that can lift and light your environment to heights beyond your comprehension. But when your reflection is made to belittle others and remind them that they may or may not have a ways to go, you’d better be mighty careful. Our words whether intentional or not can encourage and or breathe life, or can break down or even destroy another by killing them emotionally and pushing them into the depths of despair. “Why hasn’t this happened for me?” “Doesn’t God love me too?” “Why Lord?” I speak from experience. Been there, done that, and I, too, got the t-shirt. 

So unless it’s used in such a way as to build up, to tell others what you used to do, BUT GOD, then refrain from telling people of your bologna days and help them get to the steak, potato and salad

meals that you now enjoy. Reach back to pull someone forward. Lift don’t grind into the ground. 

Inspire. Uplift. Love. 

Ninakupenda 

Kupendana 

Come And Talk To Me/ Let's Have A Conversation

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. Proverbs 18:2 ESV
If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.  Proverbs 18:13 ESV

We can go through an entire day and do nothing but hear what is said. But listening today is almost a lost art. Hearing is simply sound. Listening is soaking in the conversation and responding in kind. It's said we listen to respond, but I think we hear to respond, because listening requires intent(see 2nd Proverb above).

We are a people who no longer communicate verbally. We text, we email, and if we really like someone, we'll facetime. We are more connected than ever, however the gulf between us, many times is akin to an ocean. We check our phones if they ring and grudgingly pick up to speak. Our preference today seems texting. We can go weeks without hearing a voice via our communication device. Ditto email. There is such a disconnect today(pun intended). Human exchange is almost a thing of the past. Even the elderly are texting. Babies can spend hours face down in their parents devices.

The problem is, the nuances, the tone, none of that comes through on a text. A disagreement via

text does not let one really know the level of disgruntlement, because it is more difficult to gauge in text. Deep conversations can go south quickly through text. Or there is no dialogue at all. Sweetness and light is easily conveyed thru text and email with all the little heart emojis. But the hard conversations suffer greatly.

Why don't we choose to speak verbally to one another anymore? Why are a few key strokes preferable to speaking with someone directly? We argue through text. I learned we quit jobs through text. We share intimate details with others through text. Teachers contact us about our children through text. We break up through text. Or we don't bother to respond at all and ghost the person altogether. If you agree you can get test results through text. TEXT!TEXT!! TEXT!!!

I understand there are a myriad of reasons why people prefer to text. Conversations are ended more quickly. We're busy and don't have the time to devote to certain conversations, especially unpleasant ones. I think texting is good for when you're on the go and don't want to give a stranger admittance into your conversation. I love to hear the smile in someone's voice. Or to confirm plans and hear the excitement and even the disappointment to cancelled ones. We just don't really talk anymore.

When I mull it over, the lack of communication, leads me to believe God is not pleased. He

wants us to communicate with one another. He did give us voices. We could have been mutes. He's

probably like, I gave them voice and they don't use it. Communicating with others makes life more liveable.  Exciting. It's infinitely more exhilarating chatting with someone with no filter verbally than through text. We cheat ourselves out of a lot of good times, I think, with all the texting. It's just sad. We are so disjointed.

Now, full disclosure, I do text. But I also talk with people. I love to talk to the ones who make me laugh. That deep belly laugh you can only get through dialogue. The almost pee your pants gut laughter. I have a couple of friends that take me there, and it's such a blessing, in this stress filled world. Even painful discussions are better through voice. You can hear the comfort in another's voice before they even offer words of comfort. Isn't that preferable to texting? At all? 

So I challenge you die-hard texters to pick up the phone(after you text  them and tell them you're going to phone them- lol) and have a voice conversation. I know you won't regret it. Let's bring back the art of talking. Or maybe my age is showing?

Kupendana
Ninakupenda

The Best Gift Ever

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  Psalm 90:12 NIV

Once a year, if you’re reading this, and you are, you’ve been the recipient of something that everyone doesn’t get. Sometimes for whatever reason, you stop being on the receiving end. Only God knows and makes the decision to bestow this particular blessing on you and me. In His infinite wisdom, he lavishes love on us with a big splash once a year. Until He doesn't, and it's time to go home.

It’s a gift no one else can give you. Not spouses, not children, not parents(grand or otherwise), that aunt/uncle nor siblings, that lights up your life. NO ONE. Only God. It’s better than platinum, diamonds and rubies. It’s absolutely priceless and no one can afford to buy one for themselves or anyone else.

A birthday

That one day a year, your born day,  that is the biggest blessing of all. The day that gives you more

time to fix yourself, your relationships and most importantly, to deepen your relationship with the Creator. On that day most feel immense joy. Others become introspective. And some, sadly, are depressed. The depressed, in my humble, don’t realize how momentous the occasion is. If they would just look around at all the good they have going on, and sometimes, admittedly, for some it’s hard for them to see, but if they focused really hard with a spirit of gratitude, I believe it would help them better enjoy the day. If they could only realize that many didn’t get the gift, then perhaps that could help lighten their spirits. I’ve known people that once they hit forty they some how feel all is lost. I don’t understand that at all. I’ve worked with a woman who locked herself in her office and cried all day at the dawn of forty. I won’t dedicate anymore time to the ungrateful ones. Hopefully they’ll work that out.

I’m so grateful myself. I’ve had so many misfortunes reversals and heartbreak. But I’m still standing.

And each new birthday has taught me the true meaning of the old gospel song, “thru it all, thru it all, I’ve learned to trust in Jesus, I’ve learned to trust in God. Thru it all, thru it all, I learned to depend upon His word.” So I wake up joy filled, go introspective for awhile, and then I go full celebratory mode. I’ve had great birthdays all by myself. I’ve had parties I’ve thrown and two surprises(thank you momma/daughter).

I refuse to be down on the day I get the best gift ever. Another year of life. As my beloved pastor always says, we celebrate them at my church, because, truthfully speaking, they’re not easy to come by. 

So thank you Abba Father for born day number 62! I’ll try to be better this year and make this year one for the record books. Thank You  Lord for 62 years of life.

Ninakupenda 

                                       

Love Yourself So Others Can Too

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  Matthew 22:39  NKJV

Makeup is a billion dollar industry worldwide. Women, and men, of late, are resorting to makeup at much younger years as a way to enhance their beauty. This crosses all socio-economic spheres, races and again, sexes.

The same can be said of diets and exercise routines. We diet and eat

sometimes, next to nothing in order to better obtain the physique we desire. Exercise does tend to promote better health, but many times this is not the goal. Women endure countless hours of squats to have what they deem the perfect bottom. Men pump iron to look like a wrestler in his prime. 

We go through so much for our outer package. I do too. I cannot imagine not a little something here and a little something there before I leave the house. I am my mother’s child, after all. My mom would NEVER leave home not well put together. She used to say, there’s not a beauty in the world that doesn’t use a little enhancement.

Whether you use any products or not is up to the individual. I admire Alicia Keys to the utmost, and no shade intended, but she always looks tired. But again, her decision. Ditto exercise routines. I hit the gym for stress relief and hope the reduction in stress will lead me to get better health. Health is life. Life is health.

But what I’ve come to see is that many of us have pretty/handsome outsides but inside, we’re a mess. Many times this messiness comes

from our lack of self love. We are instructed to love God and one another as WE DO OURSELVES. That’s key. Far too many of us don’t love ourselves. We just substitute it for prettying up the package, that hides self doubt, disillusionment and despair. We’re dying inwardly because we’ve not learned to love us. Ourselves.

God made each of us magnificent in our own unique way. I encourage you to find the beauty of yourself that others and you cannot see. Once found, love on you like a long lost love. Speak life to yourself. Speak peace. Speak

blessings  TO YOU! We find it so easy to do it for others, but rarely lavish this time of love on ourselves. After you wake in the morning and after thanking the Ancient of Days for another day, while you’re in the mirror compliment yourself and start letting that self love pump through your veins. It will do wonders for your day. 

It’s said you really can’t love someone if you cannot love yourself. Loved ones will say, "love you." To me that's a reminder, unbeknownest to them, to love oneself. If you love someone, you'll say, should say, "I love you." So follow their advice. Pour into yourself and let others catch the overflow. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. God says you’re fearfully and wonderfully made. Remember that. Then spread the love around.

Ninakupenda