When Later Is Too Late

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone.  Hebrews 12:14a NIV

  We all have different personalities, idiosyncracies and upbringing. In a word, we're individuals, each marching to our own beat and trying to get through this world as unscathed as possible. Having different personalities, we will, inevitably, find ourselves at odds with others from time to time. That spouse, parent, child, relative, church member, neighbor or co-worker. On occasion, we will bump heads and cross words will be spoken. This is human. Everyone experiences this, there's no escaping it.

  But how to handle such situations? If you're the type that has to be right all the time, your traverse on this terrestrial ball will be one of constant conflict. Ditto if you're abnormally prideful. On the opposite spectrum, if you're passive, meek, the go along to get along type, eventually, you, too, will have your fill of people riding roughshod over you.

  Again, how to handle such situations? I, personally, if offended will pull someone aside, away from others and tell them they've hurt and or offended me. I have found when dealing with adults, this is most beneficial. Get it all out there. Chances are they didn't even realize the offense. If it's an argument/disagreement, then it's probably best to wait for cooler heads to prevail. Then take the subject up. Sometimes, you have to be the initiator(the more mature person), to open the lines of communication to restore peace. A friend of mine, my longest, since fourth grade, over 50 years prefers to write a letter to whomever offended her. I once was the recipient of one of her loooong letters. lol. She feels that by writing it, it's therapeutic for her, and that she'll get out all she wishes to convey, and they can go from there if the other party is amenable. If not, she let's it go. Now matter how it's accomplished, peace should always be our goal. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God. Matthew 5:9

  Sadly, some may not want to talk it out. You may not even know what transpired, all you know is they are perfectly willing to let a relationship go, because they are not mature enough to deal with your feelings in general and theirs in particular. Sometimes, it can be over some perceived slight, real or imagined, and they have too much pride to sit down and talk about it. I'm of the let's talk it out delegation. I value harmony. Life is too short to be nursing animosity. But, again, we're all individuals. So marriages end, families become estranged, churches become divided and friendships end, when just sitting down could probably have corrected the situation. Perhaps you'll never reach the intimacy that you once shared, but you can still move in and out of the same spaces without awkwardness. In some instances, however, you have to just to Shake the dust. Mark 6:11 as Jesus told the twelve, "And whoever will not receive you nor hear you, when you depart from there, shake off the dust under your feet as a testimony against them.

  The most saddest part of all, after no meeting of the minds, dust has been shaken, you've both gone on with your lives, you still have love for them, and as the Rev Dr. Kenneth W. Arrington Sr. is known to say, "She's gone on to give an account of her stewardship."  They've passed on. Then you start to feel some type of way. Could I have done more? Should I have had a third party witness, my asking them to sit and talk about whatever is was, again, real or perceived that occurred to end the relationship? All this second guessing is a miserable thing. I've experienced this just recently, and have been flooded with emotions, until yesterday. It occurred to me, I reached out on two occasions to try to get it right. They were not receptive. I did all I could to try to rectify the situation. I turned it over to God years ago, and I decided that their death was not going to destroy the peace I had with the situation. You see, all we can do is what God would have us to do, and I tried that. Twice. Some people you just have to love from afar, but when the address becomes heaven, it shakes you, if only momentarily.

  Being a very direct person, I still advocate for working it out. For being receptive. The bible says life is but a a vapor. Why be immersed in drama and ill will when peace is an option? Full disclosure, I've had run ins with people, and I've been wrong sometimes, and have had to humble myself and apologize, and I've been the injured party as well, and I still seek peace. In both situations, I talk with people. I thrive on harmony. Acrimony, stress and meanness, can affect your health and of course, your mental well being. Stress when you hit a certain age can wreak havoc and leave the door open for a reduced immune system that leaves you suspetible for situations you really don't want to put your body, nor your mind through.

  Now I know, there are probably some, who would rather nurse hurt feelings, relive ugly situations because, quite frankly, some people thrive on drama. It's like the air they breathe. I saw a meme  awhile back that said something to the effect of "some people won't like you because your spirit upsets their demons." That's a blog for another day. But that's not how God wants us to live. I will not live that way for my peace and well being, and by stopping up His glory and His favor for me.

 Iyanla Van Zant says it best, "beloved, live in peace and not in pieces."

 Rest in the arms of Jesus girl.

Ninakupenda
Kupendana