Seniors Finding Love In The Internet Age

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but right after Christmas there are tons of advertisements for dating sites. E-Harmony, Match and something called Hinge are really revving up to bring to singles something that many were lacking in the months prior. Companionship. Glossy ads with people of every ethnicity and lately sexual preference are bombarding the airwaves. All of this to aid in the quest to bring two lonely souls together. Sites are also shown for people who want a certain type, i.e., someone who shares their socio-economic standing, level of education, farm people, religious preference, age and specific ethnicities. All in the name of love. 

In many cases the journey to love comes with a price tag. Apparently, very few are free. If by chance you run across a free one, it’s said, they are, quite frankly strictly dedicated to “hook-ups.” Meeting for one specific end. And yes, that is what I am saying. 

Even Facebook has entered the fray. Its entry, “Dating,” is appealing to apparently a larger group as far as I can determine. First and foremost, it’s FREE. Secondly, it works just like the other ones, but allows you to incorporate your Facebook and Instagram page. And finally, this seems to be the preferred way of entering the dating scene digitally for the over 50 -60 crowd. 

Now there’s some people who feel that they shouldn’t take the bull  by the horn and allow nature to take its course, to meet someone more organically. For others still, their view is to wait on the Lord. I understand fully both rails of thought, however, when some are in  late 50s to mid 60s, waiting, to them becomes the enemy. And, might I add, it’s said “just because there’s snow on the roof, doesn’t mean there’s not fire in the furnace.” We are all human and relationship is natural. Who among singles doesn’t tire of the single life, at one time or another? A dinner/movie/ concert companion. A somebody’s shoulder to cry on companion. A let’s just kick it companion. Or let’s just do nothing together companion. Who doesn’t want that? It doesn’t matter the age. It’s the one thing we all have in common, whether you admit it or not. I might even venture to say that if you feel you don’t, you may be deluding yourself. People need people for roles that people of your crew cannot fulfill. Truthfully speaking, no one, absolutely NO ONE wants to grow old alone. Remember the old song, “ it takes two to make a thing go right, it takes two to make it outta sight?” That’s very true. Especially for single empty nesters. There’s conversation you want to have your grandchildren cannot be participant in. Even your boys. Or your girlfriends. Some one you wish to share a commonality with someone that you can't with your loved ones. Most of you know what I’m talking about.

Sadly, I have no answers. Who does? Every pot has a lid, one of my former coworkers used to say. The trouble is locating yours. I wish you great luck in your quest. Or better yet, may your lid be fast approaching. And mine as well, after chatting with Pearlie. Here's to lids!

To further explore this, on my podcast I will be discussing finding companionship &/or love via the internet. My guest is my old friend Pearlie Baker Sturdivant. Listen in. Jan 8th @Tonight at 6

Ninakupenda

Kupendana

The Symptom of Coronavirus That Everyone Gets But Hardly Talks About

This is not about the Coronavirus in medical terms. It is not even about masks or anti-maskers.

Not about treatments, vaccinations and the like. Ditto the lasting repercussions some are forced to deal with months after being rid of the virus.   Not even about the large number of deaths throughout the world and growing number in America. Furthermore, not about the loss of businesses, and there are plenty.

This is about the mental toll this takes on some people. Not all, but a large percentage of people.

Loneliness....

The novel coronavirus, also known as Covid-19 has changed the world. For many the world has become incredibly darker, colder and dare I say, it lonely. Suicide has jumped exponentially, especially among older people and those who

live alone. This is one of the few true statements the occupant of the oval has been forthright about. Unable to see family nor friends has put a great strain on some people. 

Being alone is the state of just that. No one around. Alone. There is a group of people who can be alone without being lonely. Some, especially introverts have not much of an issue of being alone during the time of Rona, as we’ll call this pandemic, that is rocking the world in general and America in particular. Due to the lack of leadership, this virus continues to roil the United States. But you know that. However being alone for some is preferable to a lot of people anyway, so this pause in American life is not as bad to them as for their counterparts. 

Being lonely is an entirely different animal. Extroverts, such as myself, do not do as well during this

time. We want, no, we need the camaraderie of other humans. A shared laugh, a hug, even an argument is deeply missed by this group of people. Quiet is not our friend. Some days are good. Shopping days, trips to the bank and take out runs become good for the soul. You see, being lonely is the state of being denied, for whatever reason, companionship. Family, friends, associates, significant others are no longer accessible. When you’re a people person, this strikes at your very core. A lot of us are a combination of intro and extrovert personalities. I used to fall in this category, and still do to a great extent. I can be home alone, for days on end, but come that fourth day, it’s time to break out! Extreme extroverts cannot handle even an entire day inside and alone. Conversely, introverts can curl up with a book, some tea or whiskey and be set. They go inside to the place only they can go. 

I asked a question on Facebook. I asked how people who lived alone were faring during this time and what were they doing to cope? I received a lot of over-lapping responses(people doing the same things), and some surprised me. A few just masked up and ventured out and continued to pretty much live their lives as normally as possible, during this time of Rona. Below I am sharing some of the responses, hopefully suggestions for some and eye openers for others how to get past feelings of loneliness. Especially as this holiday season has begun. Thanksgiving. Christmas and New Years. They are as follows:  

A few of you work from home. This affords a level of safety that others cannot attain. Home is the safest spot. You miss the interaction of coworkers, but this, for the most part has worked out well for you. Most of you have increased communication with friend and loved ones through more frequent calls, texts, Facetime and Duo, or again Zooming. A large swath of you have upped your social media time, Ditto television. Strangely, no one mentioned music. A few of you have gotten creative with your workouts, by cycling and exercising at home. A few have turned to home improvement tasks, or have resumed a long cast off crafting project. One mentioned she tries not to focus on it. Two have admitted to retail therapy. Shopping is a momentary distraction and a high for some. One admitted her life really hasn't changed in the least, with the exception of donning a mask and social distancing. One uses this time to drive her mom about.  One admitted to allowing herself a good cry every now and then, which is thoroughly cathartic. Lastly, there were two who admitted the sting of being alone, during this time has been especially painful. They miss not having anyone to walk this walk with them. To me, that's the deepest cut of all. Feeling alone. 

So there you have, how people are handling the world during the time of Rona. But as one of my church sisters stated so succinctly, "We will all emerge from this a changed people, which we should, since this has been a life changing event." Sancheon Lindsey.

Ninakupenda

Kupendana 

The Hearts of Men

Donald J Trump should be proud of himself. He has accomplished what only four presidents have since the 1900s. The one term POTUS club. Taft, Hoover, Carter, and Bush. And now Trump. Although, somehow I feel that brings him no joy. 

All of this is widely publicized, but here's a running total of his temper tantrum to date.  Foreign leaders have been rejoicing with us, those not his buddies. 45 is pulling out all stops to hinder the ascension of 46. He will not let the state department release congratulatory messages from other governments. He will not allow Biden to get daily briefings that each incoming POTUS gets.  He will not let the office, GOA (Government Accountability Office),that grants space and federal dollars be sent to president elect Biden. He is stacking the pentagon with people who he, 45, obviously thinks will back him up if he decides to take it to the streets.  He has dug in at the people’s house and has been verbally silent, although his Twitter rage is worse than it’s ever been, and this includes his impeachment. Officials high in his administration are rubber stamping his abhorrent behavior. Pompeo speaks boldly of his feckless leader’s continuation in office. Barr is ordering investigations into states that haven’t totally been tallied or certified. His refusal to refrain from requesting votes thrown out in states where he had come up lacking, but not wanting recounts in states where he leads, is plain and simple suppression. Lawyers are filing frivolous lawsuits about voter fraud which have been struck down every time. Nine to date, so I've read.

All this adds up, sadly and frighteningly, to that French term that has changed the makeup of numerous countries, a coup d’etat. Coup for short. When a new regime is placed in power by force, militarily or otherwise. He does not want, nor plan to leave office. He knows what awaits him, once he vacates the oval. The SDNY(southern district of NY) is waiting with bated breath. New York attorney general Letitia James is waiting as well to prosecute him for numerous crimes against the state of New York. I wonder does he think moving to Florida will exempt him for criminal activities committed while residing in the big Apple? 

No one knows how this will play out. But one thing is for sure, this should come as no surprise to anyone. He SAID he didn’t know if he’d go peaceably. Right out his very own mouth. Problem is, he has had EVERYTHING in life handed to him. He has cheated countless contractors and other business associates. Then, when the bills reach beyond what his greed was willing  to pay, he runs to bankruptcy court to be absolved of deb

t. SIX TIMES this was his remedy of choice. Because he must come out on top! At any cost. He is a serial relational cheater. Always with the new wife while still married. He pays off women with absolutely no shame or real consequence. He has allegedly raped and molested numerous women with complete impunity. He cannot fathom losing at anything. EVER! Nothing comes before Trump. Not even our fragile democracy. A coup? Or maybe he will seek revenge in ways we don’t think of normally. Like revealing state secrets to enemies of the state(although his buddies). Having Pence replace him in the last days of his administration, so that Pence can, in turn, can pardon him. I forgot who said this originally, but “who can know what evil lurks in the hearts of men?”

ALL THE WHILE COVID-19 IS RUNNING AMOK AROUND THESE YET TO BE UNITED STATES. He is doing nothing to alleviate this scourge running through our communities from sea to shining sea. The death rate here is astronomical. He gives no @$%*s about this. Only assuaging his wounded pride. America dies while he's licking his wounds and his enablers are cognizant of what he's doing, but fearful of that nasty tweet.

I keep saying, strap in, rough ride ahead. In the words of 45, all we can do is stand back and stand by. And pray, of course. Because in my humble, for all this country’s issues, and they are many, there is a reason why people come here in droves. So let’s all pray this country becomes the place that would be citizens see in their eyes. Opportunity and freedom for all.

 

Ninakupenda

Kupendana

The Wave Crashed

By now, it’s apparent the great blue wave of 2020 was merely a dream. There was no take over of the Senate and in some cases the Democrats lost seats in the

House. It wasn’t quite a red tsunami, but far from the much hyped and anticipated blue wave.

Why? Because apparently, as I and many other thinking people cautioned everyone not to get all geeked about the polls. The polls have a way of lulling people into a state of false confidence. Voting, but not with the passion or ardor that we witnessed during the Obama years, and even that waned in the second go round. Thinking it’s in the bag. We have become, for better or worse a cult of personality, either red or blue. We either love the candidates or hate them. Far too many are too purist in their views that they cannot compromise for the greater good. There are some still lamenting Bernie didn’t get the nod. Some are ticked that Kamala did. Some of us won’t venture from the center, and frankly, some are so far left no one takes them seriously. Or are written off as being the "S" word, socialist. 

The democrats just cannot get it together. We are splintered. Ever watch TYT(the young Turks), Cent

Uygers station? Compare that with the most liberal mainstream offering, MSNBC or CNN from 7pm on. Night and day, but same party. TYT is as progressive as progressive gets, and they are constantly lambasting the other factions of the Democratic Party. They do get on board at the eleventh hour, but by that time, they’ve got so many people absolutely infuriated with the center left that many times those people decide not to participate in the election process, or throw their vote away on someone who has a snowballs chance of getting to the oval, they find it impossible to fall in line LIKE THE HOSTS DO. What many younger people don’t seem to understand is you have to be in the game to play! Once you get in you find like minded officials and push or shove your views forward. But that cannot be done from the outside looking in. SPLINTERED! No politician is going to be all things to all people. But you have a better chance when your choice is sitting behind the resolute desk. In the oval. You have more power, T to threaten, cajole or whatever. 

But the. Democratic Party is a group of timid, chicken, will not call a spade a spade group of people. I have never agreed with Michelle Obama’s, ”when they go low” remark. Where is our fight?  Why can’t we exude toughness?  Why we gotta be punks all the time? The Democratic Party needs to grow a spine. I’m not saying get all ignorant like 45 and his people, but I am saying why are a couple of politicians the only ones who give as good as they get? Rashida Tlaib if Michigan is tough! AOC all the time as well. Hakeem Jeffries.  Al Franken was something else. Even Nancy Pelosi has moments of tigress. Only moments. When courage is shown at the top it, in turn, gives others courage. The other side gets daily doses of foolishness but it gives them courage. See what I saying? 

So the blue wave never took off. Ok. Better luck next time.  Maybe if we could just grow some collectively? Sooner is better than later. 

Ninakupenda                                      

When You've Done All You Can

By now, a large swath of you have voted. I'm the type that prefers to go on the day of. It's kind of magical for me walking in, showing my ID, and proceeding to the booth. But this election cycle is different. Everyone I know felt an urgent need to go weeks prior to election day. Between all the foretold hanky panky, actual shenanigans, and friends urging me to go now, I succumbed that voted a week ago. No regrets, just not as satisfying.

And what are we voting for? There are lots of open senator seats. To me, it's imperative we recapture the senate. Because apparently whomever is leading the senate is in all actuality the president. McConnell has been calling all the major shots since Obama's last term. The senate decides the supreme court, who in turn, decide EVERYTHING! Jaime Harrison has a real shot to rid us of number one ass kisser that is Lindsey Graham in South Carolina. Mitch McConnell, the absolute embodiment of evil has his hands full with his race against Amy McGrath. Some weaker "Republicans" are catching hell in their individual races in New Hampshire, Kansas, Arizona just to name a few . Again, Democrats must overtake the senate!

And then, the main event...

In one corner, we have the bloated, oranged face, racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, serial cheater, hiring someone to take tests, $750.00 tax bill two years in a row, six times filing bankruptcy(although never personal, just lets everyone know what type of business man he truly is). Throwing the towel in on COVID-19 and low key saying uncle. Because nothing matters more to him than the stock market! On top of all that, a fake ass Christian who basically wants to remain in office to remain out of jail. New York is waiting patiently.

The other corner is another old white guy. Yes, slow of tongue, but compassionate. Sympathethic. Empathetic. Able to admit past errors. Keeps his word(he said he'd pick a woman). Yes, he is prone to faux pas, he speaks out of turn and misspeaks far too much. But in my humble, that makes him human. Most of all, he's had days where he's had to rely solely on his faith. Biden is Catholic. It's said he's estranged from the church due to his view on abortion. While he is pro-life, he believes in pro-choice. That's me and a lot of people I know. No thinking person like abortion, but we understand it's not up to us to pass judgment on others. In the final analysis, we all have to answer for everything we've done on this terrestrial ball. People like to throw up in his face how he had 47 years to make some big splash. He did, but not as senator. He was instrument in the creation and implementation of the Affordable Care Act(ACA)other wise known as Obamacare.  He worked on the Dreamers. Not a bad resume. And he has a Vice President picked who, I've no doubt, will be an excellent president, should he not be able to complete his term.

So month ago, I wrote about the five stages of emotions most of us were suffering through. Well now I want to encourage you. First, for those of us melanin infused, we survived the middle passage, slavery, reconstruction, Jim Crow, the civil rights fight and we will survive the reign of 45. Win or lose. If he wins, somehow, we'll get through it. I believe this. I get a little scared sometimes, but I shake it off. If he loses, we'll survive him minions and whatever they try to throw at us, you know, those who speak of another civil war. We'll survive them too. God in His infinite mercy always brings us through. To the melanin challenged, you, too, will survive. And eventually, one day, we'll join forces in earnest and right all the wrongs in these yet to be united states. We got this y'all.

So by this time, I'm sure most of you have voted? For those who haven't you have time or this coming Tuesday it the day. This is probably the most important election in our lifetime. Make your voice heard! Don't fall the the Kanye's or Ice Cube's(though I really think he had noble intentions, the road to hell is paved with them, so I've heard). We must get Biden in so that we get a better hand. Because with the alternative, we're not his focus group, so the hand we'll be dealt with him will be nonexistent. And if you don't think the election is not important to you, think of your parents, grand parents, elderly relative, etc. This can't be about just us individually. We must vote corporately. PLEASE, I BESEECH YOU.

Ninkupenda   I HAVE A COMPANION PODCAST READERS!!!

IT CAN BE FOUND ON APPLE, SPOTIFY, GOOGLE PODCASTS, ANCHOR, AND A FEW OTHERS!!! Under, you guessed it, Uh Huh I Said It! Happy Listening AND READING! Please comment on both platforms, thank you! 

Kupendana 

Justice Denied- So Why You Gotta Lie Craig..... from the movie Friday circa 1995

 

This week I have had two of my melanin challenged friends contact me about the above screenshots I'm sharing with you. I appreciate more than I can say, the confidence they both had in me to set the record straight. It's bad enough this young woman, nor her family have received no justice throughout this entire ordeal. This is not a new flash for most of my readers, but they, the police, the attorney general and anyone remotely involved in the dispensation of justice had zero any intention of providing any. This was easy to ascertain once the mayor ordered a curfew, set up roadblocks and enlisted the assistance of the state police to quell protest and or violence he foresaw, because he obviously knew which way the pendulum was swinging. I think in the minds of the city/state, it was easy to write a check for 12 million dollars in hopes that it would pacify the family and they would, in turn, encourage everyone to stop the protests. Well, I guess they were sadly disappointed. Money has nothing to do with JUSTICE. Sure, in the agreement they obtained some police reforms, but that really doesn't matter to the terrorist who wear blue. Ultimately, they are going to do whatever they want during their interactions with people of color, because they know there will be no serious repercussions. NONE.

Which brings me to the lies. This former police officer, who hails from Arizona had a lot to say about Ms. Taylor and her situation. His first lie was, she was terminated from her job in 2017 and she wasn't and EMT. He did get the last part right. She was a Emergency Room Technician, trying to be a nurse someday. His second lie was she was on recordings running drugs for her ex-boyfriend. I have had a friend incarcerated. In a federal prison. All phone calls begin with the fact that the call is being listened to. After all, you're a convicted felon, you have no rights. I visited with him once, with the glass separating you and speaking on a phone, STILL LISTENING. As far as written communication, anything that crosses the line is redacted. I know these things first hand. So unless they were both stupid in the extreme, this is all bullshit! They would've arrested her in a hearbeat. A Black woman Queenpen, PLEASE. The officers even though they had a "no knock" KNOCKED ANYWAY? Really. Out of 11 people questioned, only ONE heard the police announce themselves. Wonder why one person heard what ten others did not? Let us not forget, according to Officer Friendly, that they had her under surveillance for months for running drugs for/with her Ex. That is so laughable. The Ex they were surveilling was already locked up and she'd moved on with her life with another. HE WAS ALREADY BEHIND BARS! What kind of investigators to they have in the state of McConnell? More like the Keystone cops of old. Please note, in the middle picture, Facebook sicced the fact checkers on this cops meme and showed him to be one sick individual.

This officer Brandon Tatum is of the same ilk as Candace Owen. They will say whatever to assuage the guilty feelings, if any, of the Republican party. They are so deeply entrenched in that party, that they forget they are subject to the same treatment as other people of color. It's okay white racists, we're here for you. Its almost easier to understand Kentucky's Attorney General being in the sunken place, due to his ties to the Republican party in general and McConnell in particular, having married his niece(although, who knows because he will NOT let his wife's name be released). 

It's horrible this beautiful, apparently extremely loved young woman didn't get to live out her days as I'm sure she would have wished. It's equally horrible that even with the 12 million paid, they never admitted any wrongdoing and could not find it within themselves to issue and apology. But what I want is for them to stop disparaging her character. It's the least they can do, since she got no justice. All I want, beside justice, is for the lying to stop. Point, blank period!

She's not the only one. They love to dredge up the past of murder victims killed by those sworn to protect and serve. In America, they need to reminded that their job is to arrest, not to try, and execute right on the street. Everyone is to get their day in court. Not just the white ones, which strangely always get to court, and might get treated to Burger King on the way to the station house.

STOP THE LIES!!!!!

Ninakupenda

We've Got Some Difficult Days Ahead

 We've got some difficult days ahead. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 

These six words have been reverberating in my head for a couple of weeks now. We've got some

difficult days ahead. Are you sensing this as well? Can you feel it. In 46 days, we will cast our ballots for whom we choose to be Commander In Chief. It daunting. For most of us, we're experiencing at least one of the following emotions: fear, anger, confusion, bewilderment and resignation. Let's tackle these emotions. I'll be interested to hear, in the comments, which category you find yourself in.

First, there's FEAR. Fear that the current occupant of the Oval will succeed in all his nefarious activities. He has ramped up voter suppression like we've not seen since the 60s. He has handicapped the

United States Postal Service almost to the point of impotency. Can you imagine the long lines ahead? Gathering spots for large transmissions of this virus the country is stuck in.  The mounds of mail-in ballot requests and the ballots themselves just sitting around waiting to be sorted, which will be slowed to a snail's pace, as sorting machines have been broken down and placed in various storage facilities across the country. These scenarios add to the fear of many, whom want to participate in this American institution, but even the positive thought of ridding the country of Covid-45, does little to allay the fear of going to the polls or being concerned your vote may not make it to it's destination on time. There’s also the fear of the reaction of his supporters if he loses, or on the left if he wins. I can 

envision racial and civil unrest like America has not seen in 60 years. 

Next, there's Anger. Anger that so much has been thrown in the mix to make voting far more difficult. Anger that we have a POTUS that cares not for the populace, and would rather, due to his irrational fear of the election being stolen from him, have people stand out en masse to cast a ballot. But of course, what else can one expect from a man who really doesn't care for anyone but himself, and to stay out of the clutches of the Southern District of New York.

Which brings us to Confusion. Many, even at this late date are confused. Double-minded for my Christian friends. 45 has the most confused supporters on the planet. Some don't like his tweeting, nor they way he bullies his opponents, but they like the things he does. They have confused healthy 401Ks and tax loop holds, with affection for him. I am thoroughly convinced, they know better, but they don't care as long as their bottom line remains in the black. Then for his less moneyed supporters, as long as he's putting down immigrants, Black people and BLM by extension, the so-called Antifa, backing the anti-mask movement, trashing athletes who kneel during sports events and generally just holding up his white supremist ways, he's their boy. One more sect of voting age Americans who fit into this group are the undecideds. People who don’t like him, but don’t know which way to go.To vote. Which leads the rest of us to....

Bewilderment. Most of us, from conversations I've had with many of you, cannot fathom the confused ones. How in the world can you support such a nasty, lying, misogynistic, racist being at the helm of this ship called America? They hear the news just as we do. Even Fox news has been calling out his deceptions as of late! He probably lies more than he blinks in a day. His own niece says he pathological.

How many times have you asked yourself how he keeps such a strong hold on his minions??? Some of his adherents know good and well he's mentally unstable and do nothing. The others of his followers are as deranged as he is. How does that happen? Or bewildered that some seemingly intelligent people are willing to vote 3rd party, when they KNOW their candidate has the chance of the proverbial snowball in hell. Standing on their lofty principals while the fiddler is on the roof.

Lastly, Resignation. The quiet acceptance, that this man just may retain his position. I know, it's the stuff nightmares are made of. Understanding that some would rather once again, sit out an election that is tantamount to the survival of these yet to be united states, and there's nothing you can do to alter their opinion. Understanding that some will vote 3rd party and totally insure 45 is returned to his real life reality show. Understanding the 45 probably has far more support than we imagine, keeping in mind that there are those who

follow him who'd prefer not to have that fact broadcast. They could be our neighbors, family members, professional associates, teachers, doctors and the list goes on. His invisible army. THE POLLS WERE WRONG BEFORE!

At this point, all we can do is PRAY AND VOTE. VOTE AND PRAY. We must do what's ours to do and leave the rest to the Great I AM. Because one thing I know, from the outhouse to the White House, God is still on the throne and in control. 

Ninakupenda-